stress – Millennial Middlings

Today I had another one of those weird mini breakdowns that was brought on by COVID-related stress. But it wasn’t because I was tired of not being able to do anything… It was kind of the opposite.

If I’m being perfectly honest, I have not been as careful as I was in the beginning of this pandemic. I have gone out to eat at restaurants with a couple close friends a few times, and today, in the midst of wondering when we’ll be able to see the light at the end of the pandemic tunnel, I realized that because of these outings, some people might not see me the same way. They might think I am reckless and/or selfish. They might think I don’t care about the virus, and that I am willing to put loved ones in danger by not staying quarantined the entire time.

That couldn’t be further from the truth. Despite my best efforts, I sometimes found myself in a mind state where I felt so alienated from the outside world that I craved companionship that felt closer to normalcy. In those moments, I happily accepted an invite out with friends so that I could reconnect with them in ways that social media couldn’t replicate: exchanging appreciative looks over delicious food, laughing at old inside jokes, and singing together enthusiastically to our favorite songs.

And today I felt guilty about that. Not just because of how others might see me, but also because I was disappointed in myself for not having enough willpower to stay at home like I’d vehemently chastised others to do back in March.

At the end of the day, I need to give myself grace. As much as I’d like to say I’m satisfied with the few moments I have had with friends, and that I will stay away from them for the duration of the pandemic, I can’t say with certainty that that’s true.

I can say that I will limit my excursions, and will quarantine myself before visiting folks that are in at-risk groups. I will continue to wear a mask when I’m out around people I don’t know, and will continue to socially distance when possible. I will continue to monitor COVID numbers in my city so that I’m not out gallivanting during a spike. And I will continue to remind myself that this situation is temporary, patience is key, and perspective is everything.

People deal with stress in different ways. My method of choice may not be seen as “healthy,” exactly, but it works for me.

I have to vent.

Writing is fine, listening to music is great, but nothing quite hits the spot like running down my list of gripes out loud, regardless of whether I’m telling my husband, a friend, or the empty space around me.

Something about flinging my words about – hearing the frustration instead of seeing it – really helps me blow off steam. It’s way more satisfying than writing stuff down in my journal, or typing it up in a blog post.

For instance, let’s say I get an e-mail from someone that is condescending in tone and petty in nature. Depending on who it’s from, and the amount of history behind the subject matter, I might just have the urge to hurl a few angry epithets through the air instead of responding with the same level of petty in e-mail form. Now that I work from home (as many of us do) I can scream at the computer from the comfort of my dining room table without fear of reproach. No “I’m gonna need you to log off” HR situations lurk in the realm of possibility when no one is around to hear you tell your coworker to shut up from your couch.

As much as I’d like to have my anger subside after a few deep breaths, that is not quite my style, at this current stage in my life. Who knows, maybe I’ll change. Maybe I’ll become more wise and more zen as I age. But for now, this process is the go-to. My mouth hasn’t gotten me kicked out of any establishments, nor has it landed me in any wild brawls. So as the adage goes: if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

That is the question I posed on Twitter today.

Attempting to purchase a Fannie Mae HomePath property has been one of the most stressful experiences of my existence.

Let me start off by saying that I didn’t know that the condo was a foreclosure at first. My realtor assured me that all foreclosures are not created equal, and that this property would be a good investment. And so my husband and I proceeded to make an offer, which was promptly counter offered, so we accepted, and then waited for the pieces to fall into place. And waited. And waited. And WAITED…

Come to find out, the property had title issues that were not taken care of when it was first acquired by FNMA. And so here we are, two months later, still waiting for people to send documents to the underwriter, pay the condo fees that were owed by the previous owner, and generally get shit together so that we can actually buy the place. I have cried, gotten my hopes up, yelled, prayed, given up, and vented several times over the past few weeks while tentatively decluttering and packing up our current apartment, bit by bit, in the hopes that things will work out. We have rescheduled the delivery of our bed and couch, cancelled our address change, and given our landlord mixed messages a few times as well. All this to say that, be careful when you go house hunting, and take extra precautions to make sure you have a backup plan. We are blessed enough to live in a place where we only need to give our landlord 30 days notice, and my job is quite flexible when it comes to accepting PTO requests. Some don’t have it this easy. I’ve heard stories of people staying in hotels for months, only to end up walking away empty-handed. Tread. Carefully. And if at all possible, steer clear of Fannie Mae. She’s fickle as fuck.

Tag: stress

Corona Chronicles

Woosah

“Is there a support group for this yet?”