Woosah

People deal with stress in different ways. My method of choice may not be seen as “healthy,” exactly, but it works for me.

I have to vent.

Writing is fine, listening to music is great, but nothing quite hits the spot like running down my list of gripes out loud, regardless of whether I’m telling my husband, a friend, or the empty space around me.

Something about flinging my words about – hearing the frustration instead of seeing it – really helps me blow off steam. It’s way more satisfying than writing stuff down in my journal, or typing it up in a blog post.

For instance, let’s say I get an e-mail from someone that is condescending in tone and petty in nature. Depending on who it’s from, and the amount of history behind the subject matter, I might just have the urge to hurl a few angry epithets through the air instead of responding with the same level of petty in e-mail form.  Now that I work from home (as many of us do) I can scream at the computer from the comfort of my dining room table without fear of reproach. No “I’m gonna need you to log off” HR situations lurk in the realm of possibility when no one is around to hear you tell your coworker to shut up from your couch.

As much as I’d like to have my anger subside after a few deep breaths, that is not quite my style, at this current stage in my life. Who knows, maybe I’ll change. Maybe I’ll become more wise and more zen as I age. But for now, this process is the go-to. My mouth hasn’t gotten me kicked out of any establishments, nor has it landed me in any wild brawls. So as the adage goes: if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

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I STILL Don’t Know What Curl Type I Am

I’m sure my struggle is nothing new. I get it; many people are not sure what products work best on their hair. So when the curl guide started becoming a popular tool used to gain clarity on the best styling products, I got excited. But that excitement slowly faded as I realized that I didn’t know what curl type my hair falls under. I know I have some 4b and 4c at the nape of my neck. My Denman brush is my weapon of choice when it comes to tackling a twist-out, and it does a great job overall (despite the inevitable shrinkage).

There are wayyy too many hair quizzes online. I’ve taken a few, and I still feel lost as hell. I thought I was 4c, straight up, until two of my friends vehemently disputed my case. As I did more research, I realized that my curl definition was closer to the B range.

I’m following a few black hair bloggers on Instagram now, so I feel a lot more at ease about my hair. Seeing other women with similar hair textures try different styles and products helps me figure out what might work for mine (and guides me on how to spend my coins!)

Whatever my hair pattern is, I am saving myself a lot of money, time, and stress by doing my hair myself. I’ve been perfecting my craft and am now able to wash, condition, detangle, and twist my hair in under 3 hours, most days. I used to spend half my day in the salon chair, so needless to say, that is a vast improvement. To all my coily-headed folks: don’t give up! This road is full of twists and turns, but it’s well worth the journey.

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Wallet Woes

I’m constantly at odds with my wallet. I love going out with friends and discovering fun places to visit in the city: flea markets, restaurants, museums. But I also find a distinct pleasure in looking at my bank account at the end of the week and seeing that I’ve spent less than $50 on stuff. In the summer, it is all too easy to go outside and frolic in the sun… to go to a rooftop bar for happy hour and while away hours over margaritas and cheese fries.

Winter is a different story: the cold makes me rush home after work to curl up on the couch for an evening of Netflix and whatever Trader Joe’s meal I’ve slapped together for my husband and I. So when I go out and spend $60+ on an unplanned day of tomfoolery, I usually end up pontificating on the day’s purchases, kicking myself for spending money on things I could’ve saved on… “Why did I get a third vodka tonic? I shouldn’tve ordered the soft pretzel sticks; I knew we were going to get ramen later.” Etcetera, etcetera.

I know that this internal dialogue doesn’t solve anything; it’s really just a thing I do when I spend money that I didn’t expect to spend. I kinda wish I could turn that voice off; after all, the memories I make during these outings are priceless, and it’s not as if I’m jeopardizing my monthly student loan payment, or any other necessary expenses. It’s just that, a part of my brain sees these fun, random expenditures as a completely unnecessary money suck, a threat to my personal goal of saving beaucoup bucks for larger future plans.

There is a solution to this, but I’ve pushed it to the side because it requires planning: I need to start a “fun fund” that I dedicate to social outings; a budgeted amount that I set aside each paycheck so that I don’t feel guilty about spending. It needs to be cash. That way, I’m not handing my card over throughout the day an unlimited number of times. It’ll be a challenge, but it’s a challenge I’m willing to take on to instill good spending habits.

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Holy crap, we have a mortgage

Has it really been 3.5 months since I’ve written here?! Sheesh. Last time I posted, I was bitching about being under contract for a condo. I am happy to report that we. has. condo.

Our persistence paid off and we are officially homeowners! I feel so adulty nshit. Paying the mortgage for the first time a week or so ago definitely hurt, but the pros outweigh the cons. We have a lot more space, a dishwasher, and instead of crossing a courtyard and descending into a creepy-ass, water bug infested basement to do our laundry, we just go down one floor. It’s lit! (I know that phrase is overused, but I don’t care.)

This place was built in the 1920’s, so there are lots of quirks, but we love it here. The boiler in our building was recently replaced and there were a couple days without heat, buuuut those repair costs come out of our HOA fees so I’m not super worried. Part of the reason we wanted to get a condo is because we didn’t want to do yard work, or have to pay for every single little thing that needs fixing. The windows here are old, (our unit has 20 of them: GASP!) but apparently the coop board is considering financing the cost of replacing them in all the buildings so that’s a huge relief. I’d rather pay for a fraction of the cost than the whole enchilada.

Other quirks include figuring out how to dispose of bulk trash sans car (read, Wayfair furniture that was damaged during shipping) and having to wear earplugs to bed some nights because radiators can get pretty fucking loud when the pipes are old.

All things considered, we’re thrilled to be here. We wanted to stay in the city really really REALLY bad, which can be hard with the real estate prices in DC. I’m glad we stuck to our guns. This old place has beaucoup potential. We’re enjoying polishing our little gem.

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“Is there a support group for this yet?”

That is the question I posed on Twitter today.

 

Attempting to purchase a Fannie Mae HomePath property has been one of the most stressful experiences of my existence.

Let me start off by saying that I didn’t know that the condo was a foreclosure at first. My realtor assured me that all foreclosures are not created equal, and that this property would be a good investment. And so my husband and I proceeded to make an offer, which was promptly counter offered, so we accepted, and then waited for the pieces to fall into place. And waited. And waited. And WAITED…

Come to find out, the property had title issues that were not taken care of when it was first acquired by FNMA. And so here we are, two months later, still waiting for people to send documents to the underwriter, pay the condo fees that were owed by the previous owner, and generally get shit together so that we can actually buy the place. I have cried, gotten my hopes up, yelled, prayed, given up, and vented several times over the past few weeks while tentatively decluttering and packing up our current apartment, bit by bit, in the hopes that things will work out. We have rescheduled the delivery of our bed and couch, cancelled our address change, and given our landlord mixed messages a few times as well. All this to say that, be careful when you go house hunting, and take extra precautions to make sure you have a backup plan. We are blessed enough to live in a place where we only need to give our landlord 30 days notice, and my job is quite flexible when it comes to accepting PTO requests. Some don’t have it this easy. I’ve heard stories of people staying in hotels for months, only to end up walking away empty-handed. Tread. Carefully. And if at all possible, steer clear of Fannie Mae. She’s fickle as fuck.

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The way of the word

If you know me, you know that I’m kinda awkward. I’m not one of those people that can walk up to others and start an intriguing  conversation on the spot. I have a tendency to overthink everything from my outfits to my mother’s text messages.

That being said, social media has definitely made it easier for me  to express myself and connect with others. Even if I change my mind about something I’ve said, I can edit it or delete it. Woohoo!

As much as I appreciate the conveniences of Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook, I definitely see their weaknesses. Scrolling through one another’s feeds makes us feel like we are active participants in our friends’ lives. We can see photos from their adventures, laugh at their jokes, and express sympathy when they deliver sad news. But it’s not the same as hanging out with them. Social media outlets create an illusion of closeness that we have become comfortable with. No need to meet to catch up when you can get caught up on Facebook, right?

Sometimes it can be hard to keep up with it all, so I take periodic breaks from my screens. My favorite way to catch up with close friends is at a rooftop bar on a warm night over cocktails, so that’s been my go-to as of late. In this fast-paced world of swiping right and clicking “like,” it’s important to dedicate time to our relationships, minus the media.

 

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RANT: On Parenthood

It’s… sad how people in power try to make it as difficult as possible to NOT have a child. They’ll outlaw abortion, push abstinence-only education, and condone rape culture. Then the medical industry makes birth control expensive for those that need it most, and makes it difficult to refill your prescription for it even when you’ve been on it for years (no yearly pap smear = no refill!). And God forbid you ask to get your tubes tied before your DOCTOR thinks it’s a good time. They’ll question and prod and scold and then begrudgingly do the procedure after warning you that there’s no going back… like you don’t know this ahead of time. All this, and then you have to deal with friends, family, even people that barely know you telling you that it’s practically your duty to populate the earth… that your life has waaaaay less meaning if you never become a mother.

Why is this a thing? Why is there so much pressure on women to have children, for the sake of the planet, their partner, their parents, the EARTH?! Last time I checked, my ovaries are mine and mine alone. Get out of my pants.

I’m glad to hear that tech is finally taking things into their own hands and making it easier for us to take care of our bodies – in less time, and with less money. Apps have recently been launched that allow us to get birth control prescribed and sent to us in a matter of days, even hours. And virtual doctor visits have finally become a thing. Because who wants to take an uber halfway across the earth,  wait waste an hour, pay a $30 copay, and then uber back home to obtain something that should be able to be picked up on the way home from work?? As if!

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That’s so clutch!

Back again with more advice on one of my favorite topics! I’m kinda picky when it comes to style, so a looooot of thought goes into most of my bag purchases.

It’s always good to have a transitional bag in your collection. If you have a bag that can easily go from day to night, and/or that works for a variety of occasions, it is usually a better investment than a bag that serves only one purpose. A good example is a leather clutch in a neutral color. Black, blush, taupe, and grey are all smart choices. Even leopard print is a fun, classic option that will go with a lot of items in most of our wardrobes. Make sure it’s large enough to carry the basics, but not big enough to be a burden. The clutches I carry need to be able to hold a slim card case, a small makeup bag, my phone, and my keys at the very least. I’m not sure how some folks carry those itty bitty bags that can barely hold a phone…! I need something functional; I legit don’t leave the house without lipgloss.

As much as I’d love a designer clutch to carry to brunches and date nights, I’m not (currently) in the market for a pricey bag. So for now, I’ll stick to the brands that are a little more budget-friendly. I’ll link a few cuties below, including one that’s under $75.

P.S. The one in my photo is an older Cole Haan pouch that is sold out.

https://www.shopbop.com/medium-pouch-madewell/vp/v=1/1577426025.htm?folderID=13511&fm=other-viewall&os=false&colorId=27758

https://www.leatherology.com/flat-zipper-leather-pouch?color=ginger&style=395

https://www.farfetch.com/shopping/women/comme-des-garcons-wallet-embossed-zip-clutch-item-11275085.aspx?storeid=9144

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Bag Lady…

If there’s anything I love to talk about, it’s bags. Over the years, my bag collection has grown and shrunk many times. As my needs have changed, so has my collection. Though I tend to keep a few bags in neutral colors and one or two “fun” ones, I have found that a few silhouettes have more staying power than others. In the next couple of posts, I’ll provide a few tips for buying bags that will stand the test of time.

Your lifestyle should be a big factor when bag shopping. I work a 9-5, so on most days, I carry a bag that can carry the essentials – my makeup bag, my wallet, my phone, and my keys – as well as a couple other things that change from day to day: my lunch, an umbrella. My go-to bags for Monday through Friday are usually totes, one of my favorites being a navy blue, sleek leather tote by BAGGU. (At one point, I had this bag in navy, black, and cognac, as seen in my photo). It is simple and low-maintenance, yet can easily transition to a happy hour setting. It also has zero exterior hardware, which is an added bonus because I’m matchy-matchy when it comes to jewelry and the like.

The other bag that I carry a lot during the week is a black, nylon East-West tote by Cole Haan. It is super lightweight, and has a few handy pockets, including one zippered one on the front. Its setup makes it ideal for travel; I’ve used it as my carry-on bag for a few vacations.

So, whether you need a bag for a day job in the city, or an ever-changing schedule full of travel, a durable, minimalistic tote is a good place to start.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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